Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Bad puns
These are adapted from a list my dad sent me a while back. Got some oldies but goodies here!
JSC
___
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
The police handcuffed a sleepy three-year-old after they found out he was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard—he did a real number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A bicycle can't stand up by itself; it is two tired.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Will calendars be with us forever? I don’t think so; their days are numbered.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Parisians who try to commit suicide by jumping a bridge into the river are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
JSC
___
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
The police handcuffed a sleepy three-year-old after they found out he was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard—he did a real number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A bicycle can't stand up by itself; it is two tired.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Will calendars be with us forever? I don’t think so; their days are numbered.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Parisians who try to commit suicide by jumping a bridge into the river are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
# posted by John Colton @ 1:41 PM 
